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  1. If you are talking about Single family then it is customary to give in every deal earnest money and when you find a good deal you should push on your own initiative to give as soon as possible to lock the deal. If it comes from the market then usually take 500 or 1000 dollars (more commonly 1000, at least in Texas) if it is from a wholeseller it is very variable, usually a minimum of 2000 (the stronger the wholeseller is usually the higher, between 3000-5000). It is non refundable meaning it will not be refunded if you cancel the transaction (usually specifying that it will be refunded only if they failed to put up a clear title, or do not meet the pre-set deadlines)

    * The earnest money is given to the title company and they hold it in escrow account, which is also your ambition when you work with wholesellers. There are wholesellers who want the dough in their first name or your company name and then that money is at risk, and the power in the hands of the wholeseller. I do not like it but sometimes there is no choice and this is a risk you take if you deal really well and feel kosher.
    That is why the relationship with the wholeseller is very important. Building trust.